Archive for the Annoyance Category

Aukaat, I’m coming

Posted in Annoyance, Rant, Social Reform on November 4, 2011 by Rohit

I realized recently that the Hindi/Urdu word “Aukaat” does not translate very well into English. Aukaat is a sphere of limitation imposed upon a person by virtue of his socio-political standing. A person is often warned in India, to stay within his Aukaat.
Conversely, “Liberty” does not translate into Hindi/Urdu very well. In essence, Liberty is the absence of Aukaat based limitations.
If you think about it, a culture decides to reduce an idea to a word when it appears frequently enough to warrant a shortcut for it.
It is really sad that in India, we have no word for Liberty, but have one like Aukaat.

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Workswell

Posted in Annoyance, Rant with tags , , , on February 5, 2010 by Rohit

You know how people say that you should do what you most love doing, for a living? I say fail. You should never try to make a living off something you truly love doing. That way you will never have to bastardize it for money or for the Man. Get a job you can live with, but not love too much. You can walk away easier in the evenings and secretly feel warm in your underpants because you’re the smart sonofabitch who can make a living out of even something you don’t really care about.
The only real goal should be to be good at what you do for a living and find time for what you really love doing.

Nut Butterscotch

Posted in Annoyance, Pointer with tags , , , on December 17, 2009 by Rohit

Renowned pillar of brotherhood and equality, Haagen Dasz, has confirmed what I long suspected : Indians will spontaneously combust upon eating ice-cream.

I am sure both King and Gandhi busted a nut in their graves.

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Update

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Turns out Haagen Dazs has a convincing and well thought out reply :

Excerpts :

“If people were refused entry momentarily, it was only due to overcrowding as there was a rush.”

“it emerged that what Haagen-Dazs really wanted to convey was ‘Now get a taste of abroad right here in India’.”

“An error was made in the creative execution”

Right after making bambi eyes like that, Haagen Dasz is rumoured to have farted and loudly proclaimed “It wasn’t me!”

Two words : Lame Ass.

Peace to all

Posted in Annoyance with tags , , , on October 9, 2009 by Rohit

If Obama does indeed send the 40000 troops requested in Afghanistan now, I’d squirm in delight at the irony.
“We have come to kick your asses, bomb your homeland and liberate the shit out of this place. Says who?? Look here bitches; signed, Nobel Peace Prize winner. You want peace and we’re going to give you some. Go line against that wall now, single file. Do it!!”

Silk Route

Posted in Annoyance, Rant with tags , , , , on September 13, 2009 by Rohit

The Great-Indian-Middle-Class-Formula-For-Success, the ruin of many a bright kid in India is a secret formula that many Indian parents hold dear and instill into unsuspecting children right after they’ve learnt to walk, talk and handle basic Calculus, which for Indian kids happens at age three.

It is a multi step program each of which is mandatory to be eligible for the next one:

a) Be a topper in school. Yes, every kid needs to be a topper. Special emphasis is on Math, Science and scoring more than Sarala’s kid even if you can run faster than him. Running means nothing.
b) Score above 90% in your X standard. 89.3 is acceptable as long as you are willing to bury your mother.
c) Get into the respectable Pre-Universities, and even more respectable tuitions. Here you will master the fine art of rote learning; a skill that will be critical for an entire two years of your life; and useless thereafter.
d) Ah, step D. The glowing beacon of pride in this program : Divide yourselves into Doctors and Engineers. As long as you can’t be Amitabh Bachchan, you have to be a doctor or an engineer.
e) (On the Engg stream) Get that campus placement into Infosys. Why are you not learning any puzzles by heart goddamnit, didn’t you learn anything from pre-university? There is always time to learn what Engineering really is about. Our country needs more software engineers, not software engineering!
f) Get “onsite”. America, UK, short term, long term. We don’t care. I did not feed you all these years to see an empty passport. And get one of those green cards, it will be very useful for the next step.
g) Fetch a bride whose parents claim she is convent educated, fair, slim, god-fearing and family oriented on bharatmatrimony.com. Hey, look son, this site is great! It only has girls who are like that. All of them. Wow! They must have a very stringent admission process.
h) Get to work boy. You have nine months. You need a child who has an American passport. Your time starts now.

Ah, how well settled you are. How successful! All you have to do for me to make sure you are, is invite me to America to look after your kids because nannies are very expensive. This is just like alchemy. You start with an Indian and end up with atleast three Americans. It works!! So what if you never *learnt* anything during engineering. So what if your real talent is imitation, not innovation. So what if nothing else gets nurtured or fixed in India except sub standard assembly line engineers who provide cheap labour. So what if you’ll hate how your kid is being brought up. Look at the money son. Look at how much money you are making. It must proportionately increase your happiness. It will son, just don’t think about it too much. Go buy something. Preferably at Walmart. That way we can return it after we are done using it. I will go, I can talk to all the other Indians in that line. It gets boring here sometimes.

Inglourious Basterds

Posted in Annoyance with tags , , , on August 30, 2009 by Rohit

*fake adulatory tone begins here*
Mr Tarantino, what a wonderful movie you made. It is so marvelous to watch a movie primarily about a bunch of Allied soldiers who kill a lot of Nazis. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And it is so funny that the Nazis in the movie are enjoying that movie with primarily a lone Nazi killing three hundred of the Allies. What poor taste they have! I laughed at them, aloud.
*fake adulatory tone ends here*

*repetitive Indian-style headshaking-in-disapproval*

I acknowledge the clever irony, Mr. Tarantino. I am just sick of the douchebags praising it while obviously missing the point.
Oh yeah, and the spelling is a cheap shot.

Posted in Annoyance with tags , , , on May 26, 2009 by Rohit
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