Don Cristobal Colón

Columbus(pointing to an island): And this, gentlemen of my crew, is India.

CrewMember1: It looks a little small Captain.

Columbus: It’s the angle the light is falling on.

CrewMember1: Hmm.. But look at that. I can see a lot of water around it.

Columbus: Mirage.

CrewMember1: But it’s 6 am.

Columbus(pointing to a big rock): So what? Look there. An elephant!

CrewMember1: It’s remarkably still for an elephant, Sir.

Columbus: Yeah? You’d rather load a hyperactive one onboard, smartass?

CrewMember1: Sir, I think the natives are throwing spears at us.

Columbus: No, no.. it’s the Indian kids. They’re playing with javelins.

CrewMember2(sarcastically): Yeah? You know the score, Captain KnowitallIllsailwest?

Columbus(disregards CrewMember2): Look, a Bengal Tiger.

CrewMember1: Where?

Columbus: I swear I saw one. It went into the tall grass right there.

CrewMember1: Cough.

Columbus: What!?

CrewMember1: Are you sure it was a Tiger, Sir?

Columbus: Of course, why else would it chase that Indian Bison?

CrewMember2: That’s it! Who’s with me for a mutiny?

Columbus: Thin ice mister.

CrewMember2: What are you going to do? Desert me on an island?

Columbus: As soon as we find one, yes.

CrewMember1: Cough.

Columbus: Hey, what’s with the coughing?

CrewMember1: (shrugs)

Columbus: We’ll go ashore and shop for some silk, spices and opiates.

CrewMember2: I am sure the naked islanders will have loads of silk.

Columbus(agitated): Shut your piehole or I’ll feed you to a Bengal Tiger.

CrewMember2 (brooding): I should have listened to mom.

Columbus: Ok, who’s game for a Nativity skit for the Indians huh?


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