Birbal and the Shrink

(Birbal is at the psychiatrist’s)

Birbal: I can’t handle the pressure. It’s.. really..killing me. Nightmares and all. I have to constantly perform. Do you have the slightest idea what kind of expectation piles up on a person like me?

Psy: Tell me about the nightmares.

Birbal: What nightmares?

Psy: The ones you said you’re having.

Birbal: I asked you a question.

Psy: Ok, no.

Birbal: That’s it? No? What kind of an answer is that?

Psy: Hey, you asked me a Yes or No type question. It’s your fault.

Birbal: My fault?! What kind of a shrink are you?

Psy: What are you? The Riddler? What’s up with all the questioning? Have you noticed that four out of the five lines you had ended with question marks? You think the audience enjoys that? I’m beginning to think you didn’t have a very happy childhood.

Birbal(sarcastically): Wow Freud. That’s a really fresh psychiatric idea!

Psy: You’re paying me for this you know? Looks to me like your grasp on Irony is not as strong as your grasp on Sarcasm.

Birbal: Maybe you have a point. Maybe you’re just a moron.

Psy: Maybe I’ll tell Akbar you said you thought that his rose thingie was gay, under hypnosis.

Birbal(immeditely defensive and smiling): Maybe we were just kidding, the old pals that we are.

Psy: Maybe we should get on with sentences not beginning with ‘maybe’.

Birbal: Maybe.

Psy: So you want to tell me about the nightmares?

Birbal: Doesn’t look like I have much of a choice. Does it?

(Hears crackling..)
Birbal(turns around and looks shocked): What is that? Popcorn?! Didn’t the shrink school teach you anything about subtlety?

Psy: Subtlety is for people you don’t want to offend.

Birbal: I should have never paid for this in advance.

Psy: Hehe.

Birbal: Now you’re giggling?!

Psy: I am a happy person.

Birbal: Of course you are. You have this fine couch.

Psy: Are you mocking my furniture?

Birbal: No, no. But really, what is it with you shrinks and couches?

Psy: What is it with you ministers and funny hats?

Birbal: How can you even mention the hat when the goddamn emperor walks around with a rose in his hand the whole time?

Psy: Just so that you feel better, I’d like you to know that I’m recording this.

Birbal: You are not really keen on stopping my nightmares. Are you?

Psy(acting surprised): You have nightmares?!! Why didn’t you tell me before?

Birbal: You might want to know, I also have a history of physical assault.

Psy: And I have the power to prescribe some pretty amazing drugs.

Birbal: You’d do that?

Psy: No. But now you know one more thing about me.

Birbal: Can we atleast look at some ink diagrams?

Psy: Oh I love that. Let’s…

Birbal(after flipping through the diagrams quickly): They all remind me of Akbar’s Rajput wives.

Psy: Your problems are far from pressure related.

Birbal: I notice you have very little skill pinning down the cause.

Psy: I have positively pinned down what it is far from.

Birbal: Don’t you use those big words with me! What does ‘positively’ even contribute to that sentence?

Psy: ‘Positively’ is a very versatile adverb. And I wouldn’t be pointing fingers if I was seeing a shrink twice a week.

Birbal:And I wouldn’t be using useless long words if somebody was paying for my time, and quite frankly; regretting it.

Psy: Ten lettered words are now long?! What would you then say to ‘honorificabilitudinitatibus’?

Birbal: I’d say SuperDooperLong. Why, I might even say UltraSuperDooperLong.

Psy: That’s it. Your time is over.

Birbal: Yeah whatever. How come you’ve never put up your certificates here, huh? I want to see them sometime. I think you are a quack. And I’m definitely getting myself a Rajput wife sometime, mind you.

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2 Responses to “Birbal and the Shrink”

  1. Great stuff. Keep going!

  2. twitchy_bufoon Says:

    Horrendous.
    Birbal will be rolling in his grave….

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